If This Describes You, You're Why I Write
I want to help you specifically.
Recently, I’ve been reading The Body Keeps Score by Bessel van der Kolk.
It’s one of those books you can’t put down, but each new page feels like another punch in the gut.
It talks about how the diagnosis of PTSD was created post-Vietnam war, and how patients with PTSD were treated before there was any medical understanding of trauma. It also talks about how the author went from treating war veterans to adults who were once abused and neglected children.
It’s Heartbreaking Stuff.
There’s this idea that Eckhart Tolle (Power of Now, A New Earth) talks about often - we all want to be special. There are two ways to be special - being exceptionally good or exceptionally bad.
For a very long time, I carried around the weight of my trauma as something that made me special. I created and maintained an identity based on what had happened to me, and I used the attention this got me to feed my ego.
I don’t engage in that behavior anymore, but The Body Keeps Score tells me stories like mine are much more commonplace than I’d like to think.
Instead of making me and my story feel invisible, I feel a deeper sense of responsibility.
For example, I have 40 readers who tune in every day to these little posts. According to the stats from this book, 8 of you were also sexually abused as children. 10 of you were beaten by a parent as a child. 5 of you watched your mother be beaten. And 10 of you grew up exposed to alcoholism or drug addiction.
There are a couple of you reading this who statistically have lived through all of these events, which is to say, there are a couple of you reading this who lived through a childhood similar to mine.
That’s a punch in the gut.
My experiences are not unique, and since I’ve been lucky enough to largely overcome them, I feel a deep responsibility to turn around and help those who are still on the path.
I Want To Help Because I Know What It Takes.
I know how much shame and loneliness exist in healing.
Everything I say to you, I say with my whole heart. I want you to have every possible opportunity and resource to begin to enjoy your life. I want you to be brave and choose yourself, regardless of whatever you were programmed to think way back in your past.
Healing is possible. I say this because I know it to be true firsthand.
If you are still dealing with the effects of childhood abuse of any kind, I write for you. I share my story for you.
Thank you so much for the trust you’ve already shown me and my content. I really hope what I do here every day is helpful to you. I really hope we can continue to heal together.
I hope you have a lovely rest of your day, and I’ll see you tomorrow.