Charlie's Daily Pages, Day 2
What I'll be up to today.
Today’s plan is to pack a bag and hike a mountain nearby. All things considered, it’s an easy hike. Exactly what I need.
I really wanted to start off this series on a good foot, but I guess God decided content of me processing grief was more fit for what I wanted. Who knows. But who am I to argue?
So today’s audio is a deeper look into my self care plan while I feel depleted and empty. Here’s some extra bonuses of what I’m being super mindful of right now:
What I eat.
Making sure I move my body.
Off-screen time.
Drinking enough water.
Talking to my friends as honestly as possible.
One step at a time, right?
Glows, Grows, Gratitude
Glows: I set some difficult boundaries in very fair ways. I reached out to friends and was fully honest about what I’m feeling. I chose myself.
Grows: I took yesterday to rest and felt guilty about it the whole time. Guilt has this way of canceling out rest, doesn’t it?
Gratitude: Again, I am grateful for the person I am and the life I have built for myself. I have created a lot more self-love in a very short time, and right now, I’m seeing how much my bare minimum expectation of myself has risen. As in, I expect more loving care from myself than ever before. I am really grateful for that growth.
Daily Tarot Pull
Question: What do I need to think about today?
Cards: Hermit, Six of Swords, Nine of Wands rev.
Analysis:
Yeah, I was right on the money by planning to go on a walk. I need some time to myself without thinking about how others might perceive or judge me. I’ve been giving too much of myself to others, and now that I need my own energy, there’s nothing left.
I’ve also got some emotional patterns I need to leave behind. Namely, this over-giving thing. I am not so comfortable being seen as potentially needy, so I overperform strength, and now, I can’t maintain that mask. It feels scary to be this emotionally vulnerable. And I’ve built relationships with this “I give, I don’t ask for anything,” dynamic, so when I do ask, it’s not taken seriously.
The best thing I can do today to resolve this is take a step back, breathe, and focus on myself.
Tomorrow’s problems will be tomorrow’s problems.
The Lesson I’m Learning
I feel I’ve got a couple right in my face right now. Today, it’s about setting and keeping boundaries. I have someone in my life also going through grief, and for the past few weeks, I’ve done everything they needed. Now that I’m in a similar boat, they’re nowhere to be found.
That’s a hard truth to accept.
Giving unconditionally means without expectation of return, right? So I gave unconditionally. I can’t fault them for not being able to return to me what I gave to them, i.e. support, time, and presence. But it still feels like a slap in the face, doesn’t it?
Book I’m Reading
Still haven’t picked a new one up! Perhaps that’ll change today…
Photos From My Camera Roll
First photo - It’s winter here. This morning was super cold. That’s my cat stealing my warmth before she forced me to get up and feed her.
Second photo - After eating, she gets playful. She lays down in the rain gutter and tricks me into petting her. Then she bites me.
Third photo - My goodbye post to my Grandma. I really liked the words I put. Just wanted to share again.
What I’m Listening To
Slide Away - Miley Cyrus
Matilda - Harry Styles
My Tears Ricochet - Taylor Swift